turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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