I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
