Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
