is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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