Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
