On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
