dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
