i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
