I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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