he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
