I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
