but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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