Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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