He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
