So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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