if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am puke
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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