It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
