You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
