so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
