2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
