If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
