he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
