My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
