i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
