but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
