I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
