I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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