Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I came so hard my ears popped.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
