im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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