So drunk its hurt
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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