You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
