Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
