At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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