I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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