Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
