do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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