Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
