i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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