dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
