I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
