Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
