I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
