The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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