when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
