I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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