why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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