I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
