just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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