why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
