You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
