think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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