she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
