i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
