Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
