why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
