The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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