Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
